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Dan
had been driven to succeed since he was a young tyke, and has
followed the traditional path to success. Due to the realization that he was
much more a nerd than a true geek, Dan left the Rochester Institute of
Technology after his sophomore year to join the pretentious ranks of the
University of
Michigan. There, at the self-described Harvard of the West, Dan was
taught that he, like his peers, was probably better than you. Upon
graduation, Dan moved to DC to pursue a career in government. Four
months after his widely heralded arrival to the nations capitol, Dan was
still unemployed, and had not been invited to a single job interview. He would
eventually land a job working 80 hours a week in a windowless office cubicle for
less than living wage (the perks were great though: if he was required to work
past the time when the subway closed, they would reimburse his cab fare,
excluding tip). His proudest moments were in fighting for
worker rights. One fateful day in June, he strode in to his
boss's office and demanded a month long vacation and a raise in salary. Dan came
out on top of the ensuing negotiation and was granted a permanent, unpaid
vacation. He has decided to use this time to backpack around
the world. He encourages others to join the fight against
oppressive employment regimes. |
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Justin
is what his father likes to call a lost soul. He reads a lot,
runs a little, and shaves occasionally. Justin, by no fault of his own,
graduated from the University of Michigan in spring of 2005. He has accomplished
little else. He once had a bright future ahead of him as a successful and
prominent doctor. Ladies were impressed. Having decided not to apply to medical
school, he has now forsaken any and all paths that lead toward medicine. Ladies
are no longer impressed. He often wonders why. After graduation, Justin hopped
in a car and made for LA. Justin aspired to become rich and famous and rub
shoulders with Hollywood's hottest stars. He once passed by Kanye West on the
street, and this other time he spilled a Mai Thai on that girl who used to be on
Saturday Night Live. Having conquered LA, Justin decided to leave California.
Now, directionless, he will roam the planet in search of the meaning of life,
like a Samurai without a master. Or perhaps like a blind man without a dog. Once
found, he will share his discovery with all those wise enough to listen. He will
live the rest of his days in perfect harmony with all living creatures,
especially the parasites living in his beard. The amoebas will sing, the cows
will dance, and all will thank Justin for his discovery. |